So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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