I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
