when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
