dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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