I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Randomize
