you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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