i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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