so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
