I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize