her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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