Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
