that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Sober January is a disaster.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
