we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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