ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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