What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize