y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
