hotel room ftw
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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