I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
