dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
