I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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