she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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