He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
