Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
