You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
