i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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