he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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