sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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