R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
