Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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