21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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