cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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