dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
