White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
