This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
