I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
