I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Less talking, more tequila
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
