I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
