Pants 0. Shit 1.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
