Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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