We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
