I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
