I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
