Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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