oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
