hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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