i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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