Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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