i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
