I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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