he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
