My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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