I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
