Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
