Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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