Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
