she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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