Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
