If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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