Moan for me like Helen Keller
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
