So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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